8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
