I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
