You work out of a Hotel?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
