party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
