Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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