Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think my fart just growled at me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
