She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
