What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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