Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
