i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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