I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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