just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize