Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
