Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I just shit out all my problems.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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