You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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