I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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