it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
