Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
