ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
