Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize