Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
