I want to stick my p in your. b.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize