ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
