Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
