I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I want to be your penis for a week.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize