Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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