***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
