TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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