3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
