But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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