remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All the doctor said was why
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
