the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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