I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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