Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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