tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
