Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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