Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
