Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
