Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
