so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
