Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
