Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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