Sponge bath it is.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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