9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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