I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
