Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
