addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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