he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
