I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize