Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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