I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
