im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
