Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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