When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
