I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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