Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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