How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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