Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
