hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
