I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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