i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize