i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
