I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
